-i lvl up u all-

feels like whoever i come across,
i mature them,
and let them see a bigger (sometimes harsher) world

then they leave me hanging.

so am i really a giver.

its cold

-go go go on-

im the energizer bunny. i keep going. yoU testify ok?

You see yourself in the mirror
And you feel safe coz it looks familiar
But you afraid to open up your soul
Coz you don't really know, don't really know
-Gone Going by B.E.P ft Jack Johnson

i admit i sometimes am still like this, but even i am impressed i am still lasting this long
after seeing so many flaws in the system and the people, and the ungrateful stuff i will never say

im still on my own path, i dont carry buckets, i wanna build the pipeline,
and i respect those who laugh at me, and i never look down at those who carry buckets too :)
and after i build it up again, alot of people will have consistent supply of water, while i teach people to build it : :)

coming to the end of the year already.
1 years and 4 months of suffering with me.
baby still can take it?
i still cant take it that i only have the high life with yoU for only such a short period of time,
and having to let yoU bear with me all this more than half a year.
i thank yoU for the strength, and i apologise for the angst.
sometimes on the phone i make yoU frown, make yoU cry
i want to tell yoU im distracted, thats not an excuse, but im improving
and i always want to make it up to yoU.
busy busy aside...things will slowly clear up..
so look forward to December k?

i wanna tell the world, the brain is an interesting matter
it believes everything you tell it, it pieces evidences for you to justify what you think is right.
and repeat repeat repeat
lies can become truth
facts can become twisted
so speak to yourself kindly, even if you dont last, you live happier

i wanna tell the world, my law of attraction
to bring together all like minded people
new friends
old friends
"forever friends" who dont remember me anymore

hey i am still here!

second chances dont appear often in life
i cherish every moment more than before
i cherish everyone more than before
i want to help all of you. talk to me. anything and everything
and if at any moment i seem disinterested
i give you the right to slap me there and then

Deal? (>_<)
tally as of today: 2.5k in 2 deals.
come on! thats not bad already!! (but far from the past i know. im not content)

-of words n voices-

nvm nvm nvm..
to me its always a nvm
all these nvms add up
cuz its always a test for me..remember?

words fail me whenever i want to put a point across
is it especially hard when it comes to people u are really concerned about
far simpler than those u dont give two hoots about?

voices telling me what to do
external F'cked up people taking my place
im genuinely concerned about your results now
im correcting your overlooked little nitty gritty details
JUST because u say U HAVE NEVER ACHIEVED ANYTHING before
then now?
is it just reading too much into my words
or your comfort zone by him too alluring for u to take a break
or just not up to it already?

if theres nothing to hide, why hide?
why go around the corners?
is this really helping him? as u said u want
is this really helping YOU? as u continue to compromise

遇山平山
遇水断水

就算
千山我独行
今生无悔

-t0rn apArt-

did i ever tell yoU that im a perfectionist?
im..iaskforitformyselfonly
i cant be anymore
dontthink
im delusional
my ideas so ruthlesly torn apart in my world
mymethodsconfounded
i never even caught the tremors before the quake
the warning signs before the flood
so juvenile
my mistakes
im exacting the things i hate


the hurt
how do i
how will i
know how they feel now?
what i have been building all this while i have been so wrong about
not having good results is one thing
but not knowing the effects of my actions..
didnt they want the results i had?
i asked
guess i listened
but i didnt understand them all


am i still cut out for this
am i still motivated for this turbulence
or am i just sticking my head in it just because i cant turn back
i cant tell
nobody can
i assure u
nobody can find me MY answer now


i thought my tears were dry
somehow this pains me enough to see them again
im afraid to pick up the reins
and start the horses infront of the chariot
towards the finish line
again
i know people are cheering
people are jeering
people are looking
i just have to know what my reasons are again

in the wilderness.
who can pick me up now
who knows who will pass by
that person will just determine whats my next step
and i really want to wait and be fed
i never had that for a long time
cant i?

end of October equals start of November

yawn
think im going to fall sick again
flurry flurry 2 months since my last entry

yoU are still that adorable
integral part of my life
so what if i cant be around most of the time
so what if yoU can throw yoUr tantrums anytime
without holding back
but snuggle back into me with that sheepish look
im thankful :)

October income 21500 SGD
14GPs to date, 6 re-entries this month
inching closer to my goals
and my Mercedes Benz CLS with the AMG kit and the awesome colour

some (personal) sins are enjoyable
other sins are unpardonable
starting from righting all the wrongs
so what if the papers like to do free publicity for us (whoopie!)
innocence will prevail
jealousy and doubts will be wiped out
but how many people benefits depends on me.
and my guys and gals
plenty more to come
i am taking it as a newbie
re-establishing my network as though im alone
so yoU please pardon all the time i put into Sunshine
sometimes even have to compromise my health
but i really want it

going genting again soon end of November
hope i can hit my targets by then so i can go on a REAL rest trip
shopping..slacking and pampering oUrselves

-long awaaaaayyyyyyy-

waaaahhh...
dusty blog
cobwebs
neglected...haha

speaking as though my extraordinary loyal audience misses me
oh but i digress
( i want my limelight can..grr)

where do i start..maybe from KL-Malacca (photos soon..if i bother la)
trip up was down with fever. groan..so lousy routine..
but haven been out of country for quite sometime in this half-relax half work mood
poring through the KLCC LV shop, saw this little bag for yoU, a white/silver tie for me
not in the spending mood...but also because of my priorities for this month

put my camera to good use..yay my virgin shoot..in malaysia, the trip, outta the window, Empire 99 takeover/merger dinner.. freedom is the best, not having to succumb to restrictions from a normal digicam.. and the quality...*salivate*
UNOFFICIAL "A" Div Photographer (even though i am still sick)
i split my pants while jumping with the water fountains, took some very nice shots of KLCC..but without me inside. ..because yoU are back in Singapore.. (why why cannot miss yoU ah..)

not able to eat the things i want to eat, eat hor fun out of an ice-bucket with tongs...*weeps*
but able to go around KL walking, seeing Bollywood stars filming, picking bargains and whacking taxi-drivers to give a better price (lol...sickening)

Malacca is an even nua-er place...slow..simple..sleepy..
but i guess its also because we didnt get to see alot
check in, change, saw IP downstairs (same hotel!!) with Yang Libing and Margaret Lee
Tinted SUV,security measures..wahhh
Heaty beach, long wait for VVIP, Minister of Malacca, China's first Female Deputy Minister, UN representatives...my camera going into overdrive.. so proud =>_<=

the feeling of this holiday is so relaxing..so proud to be part of this all, so confident of the future all this can bring, and so many people i have directly impacted because of Sunshine. iam thankful of the ups and downs..

and i am thankful of yoU too
for this period of time i know i took a lot of time out
for my people
for my own progress
for the future and my family now
sometimes yoU will be lonely
unsupported
weakened
but October is here already
a month of rest.
then i will make 2007 a year to remember
remember
the mont blanc necklace and Guess bag and LV wallet?
and my own wishes as well
my CLS 55 AMG
20 GPs
step at a time k?
but its with yoU
i know i will


i know i will
because i have all of you
in this new life i have embarked on
circa 2007
it will never be the same again
bright and not grey
because i have possibiliies and targets
i have Sunshine
not unclear skies and day by day, aimless
or "enough to spend and save " days
>_<

-i wont hate-

its been a while
since i could squeeze out this pocket of time
its raining
gloomy skies

and my head is spinning
this stupid fever
argh

looking back the time i was (not) around
thinking of the possible separation(s)
Genting..Nepal..New York
its very possible
and at the same time i have to
because of the fact the market out there is huge
untapped
so
yoU
i know yoU know its a "have to"
but its good
for the future

clearing out the excess baggage in the thresholds of my mind
i know
what i do
is right
is good
is what i should do
and im glad
so many people benefitted because of me

but U?
im a cheater?
dont need help?
please
think of Ur situation
dont be sily or stubborn any more
work all U want
but what happens in the end
can he support U?
and Ur family
is he doing everything for this possiblity
or just that the 2 of U want to be plain ignorant
and for how long?

and so if U claim im a cheater not worth to be Ur friend
reject the help
then why ask me for money to shop?
he cant provide?
or U just want to use my "dirty money" i cheated people for

Ur not dumb
just needs a little wake up call
years down the road
i hope U have the best
not that i didnt offer to help

18 july 2007
income this month up till today: 8000 SGD