就算不在一起，我也要照顾你一辈子

Why.did.u.sms.me.again.u.think.that.lessens.the.hurt.when.u.claim.to.still.be.my.friend?

so in wad way is it both ur fault n my? i never beared to leave u alone for my own or your own good. i wanted everything for OUR good. haven u ever thot of the hurt u would deal. u beared to leave me with an endless sorrow. a perpetually bleeding heart that still aches regularly. did i think of the consequences before.. i knw i do. n i knw u still dunno.

yes so wad if i really want to die. u nv cared. in ur eyes its always me talking big crap about going to die.. n ur sick of me crying. who cries for fun.?and have i ever cried over everyone else .no. nuthing i done is ever appreciated. always bringing water for u n yet u refuse to drink even when resting. always standing one step lower on the escalator to hold u at the back n yet u nv understood. i dun haf to say it out. all i knw is wad matters is ur well being. n i dun deserve u?

nv felt u loved me in any way i loved u.
"why do u love me? >its beyond things that can be measured"

and u used it against me

"why do u love him?> i cant spell it out in any way!"

nice move huh. now it will be forever my fault in all ur friends' eyes. gd luck to him huh. well done. perhaps he sweet talks into ur heart. i have no gift of the glib n all i have is what u din see n perhaps dun wana knw, don feel at all.

was i ever a priority in ur life even in the beginning? i was a scapegoat. thats a fact that cant be erased. and its a crack that u cant repair. yet i took it all in my stride. cuz i feel inferior. but now i feel i deserve more.

我会发着呆，然后忘记你，接着静静闭上眼。想着那一天会有人代替，让我不再想念你。

just like 黑夜彩虹， i did promise i would take care of u, regardless of whether u ended up with me. but yet u left such a sour taste in the way u left, i feel stupid to continue. yes i tried. n u said we are friends. do friends avoid meeting up? all my sworn promises, all my agreements. i say mine, cuz its never OURS, cuz u never kept ur part totally.

心里的眼泪，模糊了视线，你已快看不见。。。

wanna knw why am i still so gloomy mum? well in time u will knw. cuz of u. cuz u brought me to this world. where i accomplished nothing. where i earned nothing. where i gave everything n lost everything. do i deserve that. n in time to come mum, get it right. nobody is EVER RIGHT. so dont do it according to YOUR LAW. n if u must knw, the mistakes u made made me this way. ur iron fist caused the departure of the love of my love. the one inspiration. the one spark in 15 years of my life. the only source of joy n freedom of expression. but no. u had to dampen it. everyday after i got home. u made the rift. u caused the departure. n in the midst of ALL my preparations i only made the one mistake of not letting HER knw. and the PERFECT guy came running after. well he was perfect even when im around, she said. So think twice. n i shall make u regret if u should ever say i cant find a girlfriend/wife.

came n gone. gone. and juz go for good. ten years. twenty years down the road. should we meet. i wont say hi before u do. if u r happy, i will be 1% glad. the 99% will be regret that it wasnt with me. and no. i wont love again. cuz my heart is still with u. but should u come back, i wouldnt say yes too. leave it to Fate. in our next lifetimes. ciao.