-short break- pointless

today out.tml in. what a system. yes booking in n out. damn dumb. but looking at the confined guys.. quite sad. wonder what they do in camp alone. or with each other. hmm.

well.. to recap.. the guys at camp told me that i eat quite fast but very gracefully. im like "duh?"
does it sound like im sissy? well.. i've never been called graceful... always been an insensitive bore to some? always been a loud n unkempt n un-reserved guy i guess..

well. i shant call names here as im still in camp.. but the Feminine Guy n the Guy with the unlimited sprays.. i think they are gay.. especially when they always arrange to go shower together.. im like.. heard them talking politics n global issues there.. but.. why only the two of them? anyway.. the way they talk.. *shivers*

did i mention that the Feminine Guy likes to squeeze his "boobs" ? ( n yes he shows us..) the rest of us were like.. urgh. please. oh ya.. he is also touchy feely too.. likes to squeeze in between people.. perhaps its just me that cant stand skin contact when people brush against my arm.. but hey.. who "burrows" into other people side by side.. what is he.. deprived?

two book outs so far.. n everytime i see this other guy from my platoon being "escorted" by a girl to go home.. hey.. mind u.. this guy's got boobs n more folds than abstract origami. n yet he has the luxury of a girlfriend to "fetch" him home after every bookout. m i envious or jealous.? i guess im just feeling inferior that someone who is physically less attractive than me (not that im a suave smooth operator...) has the lovely feeling of being in love n always there. it should have happened to me. but it was not meant to be at the eleventh hour.

always had the wish that the best test of a relationship is when the guy is in the army while the girl waits on. but no i will never have this test again.

well.. he is fortunate. n im sure its got nothing to do with looks or riches does it? i have neither. n i know that real love is not about all that too. i guess its really about the trials n tribulations one goes thru.n about personality. hm.. means i got a flawed personality? all this analysis is just degrading myself further. m i sad? well at least i dun show it anymore. n yes i still dare to dream. im amazed too. if i cant be really happy, i feel good trying to make others happy. even if i brings out the lamest in me.

我只好把我想说的话都放在心里
因为我只想要你开心
我知道我会辛苦也会难过但我什么都愿意
不在乎狂风暴雨不管你在哪里。

我静静忍住痛。把你忘记。