-an organizer of mixes, a mixed up organised mess-

-what is this tinge of loneliness i feel, the centre of helplessness that is me-

lagging behind in my course due to my hospitalisation, i feel so lost. im not going to be so super fast in catching up with the rest. and the advancement is too fast. heck i cannot even do the basic of what is needed. im never that much of a brainiac in studies, even when i found the drive to mug at night it doesnt work when i get a little panicky. hell. am i doomed to fail. i dont like the feeling of being inferior. never.

all this schmuck going on.. even birds pick on me. got "bombed" when i book out. bag buckle snapped when walking out. carrying the bag by one sling and holding on to the other end my ezlink expired. had to fish for coins. and found out that julian had to book out late. peeved. never felt so wronged. is everything my fault.

and i realised that my understudy in cars has surpassed me. wow. nothing works around me anymore. in fact. everything works better than what i can do now. come on people.. get close to me and who knows u may be better off..

july 2. ack. luck still stinks. Zara had nothing within my budget/taste range. settled for a 77th Street belt. wanted to shop for more but.. thinking of my finances.. can only drool. bumped into lily on the bus and still felt weird that why din i notice her that much in the past. good luck for your A's this time gal! and there she goes waiting for her bf.. haha..

apologies to the 7-11 at Far East Plaza.. i still have no idea how the Big Gulp fell over the counter. i swear it was stable and i did not move it.. made a big mess in a small cramped place

-still got the same old empty feeling. perhaps its me who is afraid of loneliness? or perhaps once i tasted it i hated losing it this much. will YOU be my love. or just an attraction that fades and isnt real. if thats the case, i wont persist. i wont ever do something for the sake of doing it.-

dont leave me hanging. reply me. talk to me. just dont keep the silence