-per-rye-bird. im a per-rye-bird person. more n more so-

ack. mid week was so tired out that somehow dreams came at full flow. so suddenly i was in the police force. awkward moments.

I WANT TO WATCH "BE WITH ME"!

then you came along. somehow you remembered you promised we would go swimming together after i asked so many times last time. you even arranged to meet me. i can sense the happiness. but also i can sense it was unreal. the surroundings i have never seen before. i knew in the dream i would wake up.

there are some dreams that you can rely on.

appreciate that call. sometimes i wonder if i had made the call how would you react. like the time when you sounded so defensive when i suddenly called. i shouldnt. yet i do. why.

alot of things have changed you know? ever since the day the skies turned grey. my health has never hit so low. my mood has never hit these lowly depths. i have never felt so wronged and misunderstood. and i took it all along with me. yes there was a period of time when i didnt care anymore. yet i realised what truly was my calling.

i couldnt forget.

many things however have changed for the better. perhaps i should apologise for making you feel so confined during the times when somebody else was in the way. perhaps i couldnt really communicate what i wanted. for you. but now things have changed. my point of view has changed. i havent woken up grouchy at all for nearly a month now. thats how positive it has become. yet something still feels lacking. i hope to fill this gap. but i will not just find anything anyhow to plug the hole.

never say never?

one thing that never changed is this heart of mine thats still beating. for there is only room for improvement. it will only get better.

"losing interest in girls means becoming gay?" let them say. for i wont be on the lookout. just as before.


i have become stronger. but there are still things that make me realise how weak i can be. and Mr CBL let me realise we are what we do. so now he is suspended because of what he did/ did not do. and so he is in no position to crack jokes on me or ridicule me.
"the joke's on you dummy.if you think you are very amusing"

"how tall was she ah?" Angelina asked me once.
" a little below my shoulder" i replied.
"WOW! thats very tall lah!" she said.

i still know how tall she becomes when she tiptoes.

-could feel i was gradually beginning to live my life the way i want, only to realise the wings i need to fly came in pairs, and i lost one half of the pair that i used to have. and only the same half would make me complete-