-teardrops a blessing. awaiting apocalypse-

haven had the courage to be silent and weep for quite sometime. but too in the past 4 weeks i had 3 such situations. wet pillows to sleep. voices buzzing. in internal conflict with myself. how nice would that be.

hey meiz. O's over le. time to relax but also try to find job with wha i offer to you k? jia you. hope you and eddy are happy together.

-跟女朋友讲话？更好..给她听你对我大小声说是为了她。-
早一点有女朋友也是好...

its interesting how ironic these sentences are when i picked up your call just now around 1am. its always the case. things change only after things cannot be reversed. what she discouraged have since become what she would like to happen. one day you will know. and at that day you will see how much pain you have given to me mdm i-owe-you-my-life.. and perhaps to you as well. am i sorry? i dunno. i m sick of being sorry for things i did not cause.

and im sick of being picked on whenever something goes wrong. when ppl dont put in effort they get away with it. i do everything 100%, yet once i do it less then 100% i get watched. i get picked on. i get reprimanded. is it fair? nobody EVER sees what i do. they only see what i do wrong or didnt do good enough. how fair is that? is that my fault too?

i cant even find people to talk to. i cant. even when im always ready to lend an ear to all the problems you all just talk to me when you feel like it. what type of life is this. what have i done before to deserve this? i really hope the world ends according to what the Bible Code said. please. i really don see the future anymore. its lonely, its painful, and its bleak. so what if i gave up last thursday. i decided not to think about all of you creatures anymore. Venusians. i dont need you. i dont ever want to care. i can even go to the extent of hating all of you. is it my face? on the bus you all just look at my face and decide to sit elsewhere. even when it is the last empty seat next to me. what? i stink? or i bite? or i got too many hands to go over all of you? its sickening the way you all respond.

range is over. so much for expecting myself to get the badge and award. marksman. i wait for the next year. if only i got the chance again. AGAIN is a powerful word. there are not too many agains in this world.

-all of you have found your happiness-

while i hang myself around the lingering mist searching my way out. God if only we are not puppets brought to this world to serve a purpose, we are just born to die.

"whats the furthest you went to with your gf?" G the-king-of-the-world asked me.
how about sentosa... of course thats not the answer.

good morning. watching your Urban Legend. dont need to talk to me. im not in a very talking mood anyway. i just hang around. and wait till people need me.

-zooming. give up-

ahh.. coming into the final phase.. looking back all of us have been thru so much. false dawns and true joys. promotion awaits. now is the packing up phase ba..

gotta practise more. bowling competition. i wana add to my trophy collection of (1). lol

november 11.. dunno whats the feeling about this month. or perhaps is feeling that Xmas is nearing again. i dowan to spend it alone again. its painful. but cant help thinking. plus. this weekend still have no plans. its the same every week book out. no plans for the weekend. BAS KETIGA LAH. lol. nice phrase. budden what to do. is me who made me no friends. how to make it all over again..

enjoy yourself ZJ bro! you 2s anniversary today. night is still young eh? after dinner can go out what.. relax.. how many years already? hope you have many many more to come.. (",)

inexplicable dreams. oh god. let me know the answers. or i dowan to dream again. it has taken all the fun out of the dreams..

-did you realise last wednesday u sent me the msg to go to chinablack? but guess you werent asking me de la. i could have went. i was free. and bored. i dunno. maybe im chicken. heard u put ur mind and heart down to stay in SP. all the best. and i think its gonna be one year for you 2 le..-

quen. sometimes u just have to hit me hard enough la. sorry that you have to hear my blabberings and crazy swings so many times. i sing myself to sleep. hope u can understand. and i have sworn of girls altogether, no point going for the sky anymore le. i should know my limits and stay low to the ground. until i find what im really good at. meanwhile i did hear abit of your conversation that night. was it adele? how are the two of you le? platonic? or gaping? since u 2 are like in a band i dont think its that difficult to maintain friends till you try again after army ba. good luck to u as well.

me? i just be content with what i have ba. maybe a camera will make me happy for a while. or a R34 soon enough. far away dreams. meanwhile i wake up with a forced smile and endure all the jibing by the "friends" i have.. i think i can survive. hee

hmm.. nature's work of art. saw this at the basketball court cum park opposite the old taman jurong market/coffeeshop that closed down already. what does it look like ? ^_^ 

ooooh.. my first ever bowling trophy.. hee individual high game.. only.. haa