-shoutout-

yesterday RSS 2IC overnight duty. the kitty keep looking for me when i on hsift. keep meowing. i cant do much but just look and talk to it. cats like me.. why ne? was quite smooth. except rifle drills were rusty. why do i always feel shameful..u say dont waste sms.. but whats the point if i cant even talk to u via sms? we ahrdly call or meet now.. why?

7am i woke up by bird calls. didnt know my body alarm clock is so good. then prepare to hand over and go shower and change to go Chevrons for performance. explored Q's new MacBook, saw his happy photos with Amanda. well she even called him from Shanghai in transit. and stupid Fatty G had to intercept and waste time. fucker. dont get on the nerves of people with your stupid brand of humour.. wasted alot of time waiting aimlessly. then beat someone using Evo with a stock AE86. hee. bowling became rusty. trying to save money didnt play much. didnt eat much waited for dinner. cant wait to train bowling again. went dress up style hair for the arrival of VIPs.. then performed for all of them..very impressed.. then hang around for the dinner and events
saw the stupid Fatty G bring gf there. did we say can do that? did anyone say its allowed for outsiders?
but im just more concerned. deep inside. that.. 'Fuck' what is this a show off? we all know already. but its just more that is fueled by my own hollow. my emptiness. my need.. need? i never 'needed' .. how can i say that. but what is it that i feel? jealous? or missing the past? i just wish someone can come to my side and see my proud moments. but no. i type in the number and press cancel. cause i know i never lived in a fairytale. what can i wish for? i only want to wish that i can return to a happy home. nothing changes. nothing crops up. and someone to share my weal and woe. someone even to argue with, but that i know will never fight with. im still waiting.

and the tears that drop in the shower. i dont know why. the empty mind brings tears? thats unfair.. no?

im a jealous malcontent. im dangerous. that is why people fear me. that is also why i dont want people to really know me. because i am scared of the feeling of losing friends. best pals going to the enemy side. emptiness setting in.

-i empty can u help me? im distant can u bridge me? i dont have a direction can u find me?-

cuz i return to a house where things dont work and the people dont know and..everything just gets on my nerves. thats why too that i want to work so hard. to lead my own life. with people i want to serve and feed.

please come.
I miss U. please..i wanna know. dont drift away