aha.. see that? guess what that is? and yes thats my hand.. with the sticker dated 20/06/05 

the bored me took a walk out and snapped this view of my ward.. 

-sterilized-

THE LONGEST WEEK OF MY LIFE..

checking into Nee Soon camp was hard work already with its well-hidden location and mid-ranged walking distance everyday.. but wads the worse that could happen? finding out we would be having intensive lectures since day one! and its stay in till god knows when.. and what else could be worser-er? RELAPSE OF MY FEVER..

and so was driven to the Medical Centre where they put me on IV drip.. and waited.. 4 hours observation..wasting everyone's time.. and still the fever wont budge. from sunday's 38.2 it seemed ok on monday. but the night it maintained 38-40.3 range.. god.. i think even the medic got shocked.. so here we go hospital hopping.. and ruined my plans of studying well for the course..aRGh

Tan Tock Seng Hospital was full.. heck it was overflowing.. but the way the nurse responded was kinda cute.. duh.. but i was just dying from the looks everyone was throwing at me.. army uniform-ed being pushed around on wheelchair.. finally ended up at Alexandra. where the wait at the A&E took 4+ hours! i seriously pity the people who waited with me. x-ray..blood test.. time flew and i was warded at the ungodly hour of 5am.. yeah.. sooner to wake up then sleep.. and i was fatigued from sitting in the wheelchair with the aircon chilling me ...

Acquired Pneumonia. lung infection and urinary tract infection's the verdict. urgh.. thinking of it makes me sick..

4 days lost in the course.. im not a particularly studious character so how am i gonna catchup!!?? man.. what good timing.. and nobody visits me. nobody that i wished to came.. bahhh. just entertaining myself with phonecalls. Hi tingting hope your BNW exam was smooth with my help.. i stayed up ok.. and u stayed up even later.. liar liar.. and u ask whether its contagious wor.. so scared.. u rather i die without seeing me? :(

suddenly recalled something fom tekong.. do u know the rats there can be quite big? and quite extraordinary too! heck they climb walls by the slits in between segments. yes with two little legs hanging! and they climbed to third storey level.. and these ninja rats dont die too.. while on guard duty i heard a splat in the middle of the night.. a rat fell from the ceiling structures of the ferry terminal... stunned. but later scurried away.. AND CLIMBED UP THE VERTICAL PILLAR without any support or grooves to hold on!! Talk about versatile...

-so u say your not afraid of loneliness? btw who is the one telling u all about me? to me it just shows that i have one less friend from my already dwindling pool. and the 3 years all my effort to save both ended up with nothing.so can i blame u? and will it matter anymore.-

有福：可能现在你一直爱着她但她却不爱你。也有可能当你不再爱那个人的时候，那个人又转过来爱你，但你已经不再爱她了。

A nice WW2 artifact.. guess what it is? hint it looks like a box of matches. actually thats not much of a hint.. 

What a beautiful saying i snooped aound to get.. 

eh....奇怪leh.... ( seriously what goes through his mind we will never know..)

Introducing the epitome of blurness, the champion of M3... one half of the 2B i mentioned before.. 

-depart-

today is some sort of a farewell for our company and platoon mates.. NE trail to NEWater plant, Changi Chapel and Museum and Johore Battery. its supposed to be entertaining..but not when i have been there before.. doink..

another update about the SHE-MALE. HE/SHE is a social smoker! wow! thats a BIG deal huh! except that when he/she smokes and tried to look cool, we tumble over in laughter. why? cuz HE is a GIRL. simple? seriously, the CENTER of ATTRACTION brings just amusement to us more than amazement... thank god i would not ever have the chance to be in contact with him/her again. CONTACT? yuck.. the thought makes me shudder......

yo Julian.. do take care of yourself.. we still have a long Initial D journey to plough through ya.. drift king...

hmm.. take a look at some of the snaps i took today.. while i watch Ann Kok on channel 8! heeee

- passing thought.. some guys just have it all huh..above average looks. rich dad. pays for everything. has "free" bike n car licenses.. no need to pay for own automobile.. and gets the girls as well.. impresses all of us lower beings eh.. its that unfair. and its damn unfair for girls to be materialistic. is it true that their nature makes us guys what we are, just to impress them? will i break my own principles to accomplish that? geez..-

The Heart and Thought counts the most. Not anymore it seems.

-night clouds-

-just noticed that the good times or sights are always fleeting, and in the meantime i cannot get my mind to decide whether i like it alone or just being with friends hanging out doing nothing. heck. its both tiring to me. whats this predicament.why is it happening to me-

anyone ever noticed the clouds in the sky at night? i regard them more beautiful then the ones in the morning, as they give a different feel when viewed at night. peering out of the window at night ( dont get me wrong, i m not jumping. and yes im quite bored) , the serenity is something money cant buy, yet it makes me wonder about my existence is this lonely planet we call home.

hell i wanna be alone at times. but why is it that i feel sad doing so? i asked for it! can i be contented? brood brood brood...

我顶着大太阳只想为你撑伞
你靠在我肩膀深呼吸怕遗忘
因为捞鱼的蠢游戏我们开始交谈
多希望话题不断园游会永不打烊
气球在我手上我牵着你瞎逛
有话想对你讲你眼睛却装盲
连蛋糕跟你嘴角果酱我都想要尝
园游会影片在播放这个世界约好一起逛
the simplest joys i can ever think of.. typified in this song.. the importance of being simple, and the little details i cherish and makes me happy. yes all gone. and no i cant find a way to get it back. except to bleed while singing this song.

anyone watch the new channel 8 9pm show " 有福“？
haven been watching serials for a long time.. and gooood thing Ann Kok came back to our little screens.. havent seen her for quite some time and my my she hasnt aged a bit.. still the adorable sisterly type.. ( and my mind goes into a whirl about her being my elder sis again..sigh.. deprived life huh..) and the talk about this world living on images struck me like a thunderbolt: has the world really turned into such a superficial place, where people only look at what they want to see and listen to what they want to hear? what happened to the basic truths and simple lives? do the plain people get phased out? do the unfashionable get ostracised?

-clearly as the days go i realised the reasons of my past are unfolding with the lessons i learn along the way. do i feel better? honestly no. it irks me to learn that the world reeks of people and views like this. or perhaps im just old world-ly-

-happiness (not found)-

- A woman marries a man hoping that he changes, but he doesnt

A man marries a woman hoping that she doesnt change, but she does -

i rather the second line was never told. its sad to hear something that bears such an uncanny resemblance of the past.

-To love a woman your must shower her with lots of love but never try to understand her-

Note to self: watch how you speak. watch what u type. cuz u don wanna lose anymore people around you.
To date: 4. for no reason personally known. perhaps its just luck? i never believe in that sort of things. i always blame myself.

-the end?-

9th JUNE . grrr.. made us go book in and rush our night just for one stupid IPPT station? seriously they couldnt have wasted their resources for this.. so much for SAF efficiency eh..

booking in was tough enough. and Chin Boon n Bei Xing made the wasted trip back and took the next ferry out..quite dumb huh. and our GRAND CHAMPION pisser made the trip in his SBO AROUND HIS WASIT..heck his fieldpack was so filled one would think he is back for RE-FIELDCAMP.. ( and explain why he brought SBO without helmet anyone?) god.. its just a RE-IPPT why the need for a stuffed fieldpack and SBO? one of these days someone has to cut his brain out to check.. even 2LT David couldnt help but laugh at the sight.. imagine the eyes of the public when this small malnutritioned guy wearing SBO n a big pack.. they would think we are ready for war.. (and they will freak out looking at Chinaman--> wHaT! He IS A SOLDIER? *faint*)

" Your surname is CHAO! and your name is RECRUIT!" thats what we were talking about when we finally book out of tekong for the last time ( or so we thought?) and looking at the new recruits coming in we thought of our first days while commenting on them (and their sisters.and brothers.and fathers.and grandmas..)

9th june night was our Seoul Garden feast.. haha those who didnt book in back were lucky. we had to rush to go out.. haha finally found a follower in Julian who became a new Initial D convert.. well new challenges await.. looking at how the others eat.. i wonder am i going through puberty again.. they eat so little! no wonder they didnt complain about the army food portions! only like 3 of us were chowing down food. and desserts. yum. ice cream fruits combo.. seriously Seoul Garden has to have a safety warning man.. : HAZARD- Exploding oil. Parental Guidance for under 12s needed. i have never seen such spurts of oil before in all my Seoul Garden experiences. Poor Poh Lu and me..

Plans for K-Box was ditched.. numbers dwindled.. and at cineleisure we *gasp* bumped into MAN-BOOBs or better known as the SHE-MALE with his/her classmates i think.. and my was her/his smile captivating again! ( btw i ran into a lift and bashed my head into it. heck i never knew i can take seeing him/her while we were out having fun.. GROSS) deliberately of course. and i did NOT acknowldege his/her presence. somebody better abduct him/her and send back to space.. please no more acknowledging that i know this person.. urghh

12JUNE. K-BOX session.. never knew its so hard to sing well with microphone. hardly can hear my tone and pitch. with Roger yelling every single note haha . noticed that heting sing quite well.. but WHOA Jiada BALLOONED SO MUCH! god wont it be very troublesome for him if he enlisted to the obese batch? gawd..
but overall a nice experience..and my first alcohol for months..phew.. now to practice the songs and their lyrics.. my just dont get addicted to this before i splurge..

-just wanna be drift king. just wanna master my initial d. and just wanna leave the past behind and despite my penchant for sad songs that reminisce, i wanna go forward, no matter how unfairly i have been treated-

-POC-> Please Omit Cocksters-

todays POC. juz a nicer name for shitty work to be done for us.. groan. some people just see the IMPORTANCE of us PES C recruits eh? Utility workers union...

well. block leave period at least means we can sleep later then 530 in the morning.. phew..

hi kenneth who should be on the plane by now.. hi timothy (tiffany) n thomas (theresa) who no doubt must be peeking at my blog now.. mooo

cant wait for the photos to be sent/developed.. what fine memories of a damn depressing place but nevertheless a piece of life shared with buddies of ALL KINDS. i mean it. we await with bated breath the photos ..

har..today was quite happy with my outburst. i finally screamed at SHE-MALE " dun touch me !!!" n SGT SYED was turning around n peering at what HUMAN-SHE-WOLF was doing to me to render such a response. then SHE goes into self defence mode " i was just trying to get you to move in front.." by that time i was shuddering in mock disgust ( or is it real disgust?) n moving away. who uses forceful pushes to align people for photos? GEEZ!

Snippets of SHE-MALE behaviour that defy logic: " Hey This song is from the 1970's! " then he-she goes (shake boogie gyrate.. ) " this is a very OLD song!" .. hmm.. lemme guess.. thats not distinctively obvious to us?
(Geddit?) then goes thrusting heads side ways like an egyptian mummy..yeah.. i mean MUMMY.. not daddy.. doesnt apply..

-when you say that i can share any problems with you you are not being kinder to me. in fact you are just reminding me of the distance that appeared between us. i will not wait but let time past. cuz i know you are happy. and you are scared of the loneliness of dark. if something will happen it will happen. i believe i have not cried for the past half a year. good luck in your new poly life. and once i shall see how friends can make or ruin you. yes. you and him. if all goes well, i wish both of you the best.-

well guys.. sorry for that violent mood swing. guess Jeremy "pork chops" was like half believing that it was him who caused it? but nevertheless once you know me you will realise i have brooding blood. yessss..sometimes the simplest pleasures in life is the imagination space in your brain. heck. its beyond words.

ah.. place White Sands Macdonald's.
subject Gay Boy (aka deodorant freak aka GPMG akahot blooded male in heat)

well after ferry Julian ( hi julian...how much was the taxi fare?) n i went to mac and tadah GPMG was with his usual target having a lover's dinner( er-hm. i meant they are both guys ya..) seriously, we could have sworn the place had only gay-boy's rattling. heck.. does he own the place or does he need an audience? anyway the punchline is, when we stood up to leave n ask DEAR KIONG x2 n friend " ready to go" , both of us can see the LIGHT FROM THEIR FACES n a glow of ENLIGHTENMENT as they CHORUSED in CLOCKWORK PRECISION TOGETHER "YES!"

i bet they have never felt so much joy in their lives . thank me n julian you guys..
we are your saviours from possible ear drum damage.... haa

-The End Is Near-

seriously. NS life has been quite a breeze. just dont understand why some people take MC just to skip camp days. i mean its a memorable n learning experience isnt it? somehow i think im freakish being so enthusiastic about all this. now if only i have someone by my side to go through my experiences. Not in this lifetime anymore..

30 May. whoa. Live grenade throw day. serious fun. booom from afar shattering our senses. was a little jittery though thinking about the consequences of any errors. but never the less the experience was unforgettable. now if only i can see my own throw again without cover.. haha. n pick up the shrapnel that resulted from the blast. (damn i didnt hit nor destroy the target..)

my 2.4km run improved! roar! 1159.. though i could have been faster..but the NS live has extended my limits. now to try even harder for everything i do.. mental n physical capabilities.. heck.. chin-ups are really a pain in the (body part)...

OMG. i cant wait till i graduate from the place. its swarming with psycho personalities.. one without a clear indication of his sexual preferences( aka GAY or..), not to mention his 100 WPM mouth that rattles non-stop from dawn till dusk. plus the hairy she-male who cant get enough of close contact with anybody around him/her. YUCK. seriously. these people should have been screened before letting them into the service! how can u imagine a GUY of HIS/HER size being so soft n getting closer n closer to u on the dinner table? heck i even moved further away to give him/her more space n HE/SHE INCHES CLOSER AS MUCH AS I MOVE! wad is he..deprived? n why me.. god.. sick.. n to prove my point.. the other guys also have similar "hair - raising " experiences when he/she tries to squeeze through two people talking WHEN THERE ARE OTHER SPACES TO WALK THROUGH. WHAT IS HE/SHE A CONTACT FREAK? just lemme outta here fast please... i don wanna see anymore girlish giggles n finger wagging n nipple twiddling (oops..too much info?) from a HUGE guy/girl like HIM/HER! .... ( find out. initials: A.S.R )

-whenever the memories float back. tears inches into my eyes. yet they will never fall anymore. cuz i have learnt to leave the past behind. neither will i question myself anymore. cuz i did no wrong n u gave me no say. so it is a liberation that u left. for i would have been living life for u. good riddance? perhaps farewell-