it can be said
男的不坏，女的不爱
i dont give a shit anymore
take what you like
heck what you dont
when i wake up from this stupor
i owe no one shit
i will be what i want to be

let it destroy me
or help me soar
i dont care anymore

'cause caring takes the blood out of me
and im dry
with no replenishment
from what i gave

-who's gonna catch me when i fall-

where is my safety net
who will be there to catch me when i fall
who can be there to hold me in case i slip

i haven't cried like i did on Xmas night for 3 years already..
Xmas still treats me bad
Santa keeps taking from me

is that why i cant fall?

"why is it that what ever i do there are two perspectives, but people always read the wrong one and pick on the negatives?"

"ya lor"-> U replied. spontaneously

so u mean u know too
so u mean u felt it before too
so u mean..u could have been wrong about what i did or didnt do
right?

"no ah"-> u answered

so what if u admitted.
u seem happy now
i dont know how real is it
thats the way with M the last time
and yet u still cared whether he has a new girl
whats wrong with u
shouldnt u care more about the people that mattered


can i just hit my target for 2006. please.
one last shot.

-bloody mary xmas-

should have been happy
should have been glad
the eve was
but no today wasnt

irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable
irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable
irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable

irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable

irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable

irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable

irritable irritable irritatingirritable irritable

irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable

irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable

irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable
irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable
irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable

irritable irritable irritable irritable irritable

why am i combusting

why cant anyone understand me

why cant anyone appreciate what i am doing for their sakes?

what am i working hard for

but why am i always being blamed

i know money cant help everything

but isnt it an immediate need

and im doing my best to help so many others

whom have never felt like i been before?

can anyone understand?

NOBODY DOES

money cant buy friends

cant buy love

cant buy care

but who wants to be with someone who is always in need of money but cant afford everything

THINK!

enjoy yourselves

be it overseas trips

chalets

overnights

parties

camps

baking cookies cakes what not

hugging

kissing

presents

dinners

get together under the tree

plain do nothing

bloody merry xmas to you all..

i just want to smile..and see others smile. but all i get is another teary Xmas..

-kissing when not kissing-

TAKA- pak
Lots of shoppers - pak
Couples- pak
Laughter (loads)- pak
Photos- pak
Inability- pak
Regret...loads-pak

summing up the photo log i posted.
even i couldnt buy something for myself..

i want the toy..

kissing without the kiss

problem with the month is - Cash poor, asset rich
sorry to all.. but merry xmas..
though no gifts from me this year..
urgh..
a broken chain

see what happens tonight..
may not be back
may not be happy
smilez

missing
and
missing..
(blank)

...Piglet looks longingly at...(or is it the other way round..) i just miss..u 

Lingz and Xiaomei's creation..making Stitch a cool rocker..(among babes? lol) 

Elmo tries to run away... 

....confronts Elmo 

this Xmas
perhaps
i want to get something for myself
if not
i guess
i not getting anything for anyone..
catch my drift?

-missed week-

WAH
i missed blogging since Von's birthday outing to MoS?
from all that Whiskey dry,bourbon, vodka and hell lots of dancing
(not to mention smoke and burnt marks..and saving people all over..)

heh

but that is also the reason why
im scared of clubbing
seeing people get a lil out of control?
or just that..
i have a responsibility to protect
i..wouldnt want that to happen to u
though
u
are really really
no longer within my responsibility
i guess

i understand le
clubbing is my escape
that moments in the thumping music
and the sea of bodies
iforget my day
i forget the time
i gorget my name
and i forget what i been through
thats why i look forward to it
until the music ends
23 december.last day of work for 2006
Mambo. St James. and many more..lets go..

16 december
torrid day
wasnt supposed to be
went MacRitchie trekking
treetop trail
still alright
despite the fever 2 days
hungry..
thinking of what to do after that

kayaking.
i didnt want so badly
but i was game
not a wet blanket
how wrong was i
i did no harm
i didnt provoke
they turned mine into the water as i docked and supposed to come out
i lost it
i totally lost it
i already said my hp was with me
i didnt think
i just took apart my 7610
i didnt even remember my Mont Blanc money clip
both are absolutely ruined
i couldnt think
for the rest of the day i was sitting there in the sun
lost
wallet looks like disease-plague piece of carcass
7610 was flickering
fcuk
no sorries
no concerns
"oi no childhood what you doing?"
was even called that!
but no i didnt care about face.
i only want my phone
what if people were looking for me?
i want to call tingting
i had the feeling
i could be wrong
but i want to try..

i was angry beyond words..
sorry Q..badly wasted your time..made you feel lost too..
dinner at Kublai Khan...okay..variety..but the mood..was just..waiting..
found time to call Tingting..
went over PS..
went SPOTLIGHT find her tent decorations..
lace fabrics..

arcade,saw the child back in her..smilez..
walking home..on the bus..waiting..
yawnn..dont thank me..
the pleasure's all mine
cause i was lost anyway..
slept at 5..
hoping you left the thoughts far away
thoughts of the jerk

-when there is really nothing else better
dont just settle for the temporary enjoyment you expect to get
cause most of the time its a facade...-

argh..do the right things
those that really benefit you
please..
and dump the stupid thoughts of what you shouldnt think

-i have come to realise-

that the things i tend to emphasize on
the people that i am more concerned about
the matters i spend most time on
the events i keep my mind on

gradually slip through my grasp like the sands of time
and the more i have put my effort into it the more painful it is
but who would ever know
what thoughts circulate in my mind

i have forgotten how to cry
(Tingting says its very bad)

living for the process and in the moment Tingting?
not my type
but i guess thats the only solution
to be slightly happier and fulfilled
each day as it comes
i appreciate the talk girl.. enjoy yourself in Genting

thats the 'rasperry cream' mitten on Tingting's hand..aww this shot doesnt do justice to the cute-ness meter of the scene >_< paddle pop... (do the sound again girl..the thumb and finger rolling sound.. ;p) 

-that girl, that girl-

-should have...offered to send you-

2nd day of leave. finally have some free time to do my own things entirely..
had to stupidly cash in my 1 thousand dollar note to "feed" my bank account cause its empty then pay my hp bill to reconnect it (make it sound like i always delaying payment.. sheesh)
days of being asset rich but not yet cash rich..

marina square. horrors. couldnt find what i wanted to buy! panic...
and stupid m)phosis woman say the display piece is not available for sale at all.. so where they got it from? argh its so nice..though not the Original..

running around Far East. peeking into salons. lol.. found tingting after a big round at 1st floor. and silly..paiseh for what.. not that unglam or what at all..

tingting as usual dressed stylishly. grey and black-ish striped coat/dress. signature black nail polish (heex..) and her little dark crystal and scorpio pendant. oh i cant stop looking at tthe mascara. make-up really is an art..

shopping for her heels. bought a ring. bought what i was looking for. bought slippers. tingting bought a pair of slippers too..and saw 4 pairs she liked..just didnt have size >_<

dinner at VILA'GE.. rosti crepes calamari corona's snapple. too bad we talked more than we ate..ah didnt finish the food..strangely.. tingting doesnt like calamari..pity

at least you are liberated now tingting. very soon go for what you really want and no longer have to suffer in silence. it will all fall into place without you having to fret over all the things going wrong for you. its so sad still.. for someone your age.. to feel like what i am feeling now..plus with all the weight of my commitments these years...

face of a girl
mind of a woman
people like us
forced to mature with the turmoils of time

my bad
the rain kinda messed things up
had to make you hold the file over your head...
kinda cute
but kinda bad.
my bad

eating makes you happy.
"who is happy? who is happy?"
haha
and the 'raspberry cream' mitten
chupa chups
and earring shopping
smiles all around
that should be the way.. right?

should have..let time slow down
should have..asked why did you burn your hand
should not have..let you board the bus alone..

you are like a decent guy
haha
i sure hope i am
there are only so many people who see the real me
theres time to know who i really am
than tell me
am i good or bad
(",) enjoyed yourself?