-fleeting. sights of the past. and best-

On the way back i noticed this peculiar little pair of eyes.

the empty stare at all the bigger people around her.

looking out the window she wonders why is everything moving past it at such great speed.

the purity of her existence reflected from her innocence as her eyes flitted around at the sights and sounds around her.

untainted from the pressures, the negativities and her aura of invulnerablity against everything intrusive to her own happy life, the little teeth glistened from a grin that can only be from a child unadulterated by what life really is like.

i smiled.

yet its not a pure innocent smile i had. yes an adorable face. but running through my mind is the tainted feeling of jealousy that i didnt have the childhood reflected from her curious blank stares and joyful smiles.

i used to own one though. someone to call my own. recall the initial when someone used to look like her. smile like her. feels like her. and think about the transformation that occured that took this person away. the lure of the society. of the people. with a tinge of regret. but not of my own inabilities. i tried. and accepted. and bled.

i realised humans do not have to be taught what is evil and bad. it is in born when we are created. and its only brought out when we are deprived of the very things we want. jealousy. hate. anger. greed. we were born good. but we do not have to learn to be bad. and thus humans are born with such traits. and thus no one can blame society. it is always up to individuals. i can shed the past. i can forget the past joys and the times when i lack of. i can forget the hurt and forgive the pain. but i cant forget everything that happened. i dont think about them. they are just running through my mind. not by will.

i used to yearn to have a child like her. she whom i saw on the way home. on the mrt train. i can love someone like that. anyone ever heard of a single dad? what do i need to do to become one?

(btw thx cindy jie i knw its reassuring when u say that. but there is strictly no "future gf" who is as pretty and gives me the feeling again which u say. "One fine day" u say. i agree. one fine day may come. but i will not be there to create the perfect ending. once (twice?) bitten forever shy?

do not think i can be as good as before anymore.