-stumbled awakening-

-feels like yesterday once more-

Have you ever thought of why are you in this parent shell/body of yours? Why are you looking out into this world in these eyes of yours? And have you thought of whether you had the choice of the body you were given and what happens before you were born and after you depart from this substance world? Or perhaps all you people reading this are just clones or droids who do not understand a single feeling i just expressed and im the only human being left uncloned and being experimented and documented in this Matrix of life.

This is not the first time i felt like this before. Pre-destined events in my life planned already?

week's been tough on the mind. boggle. even 7 hours of sleep a day is not adequate. waking up positive but groggy and brain dead. and the puffy eyes came back after a prolonged absence since A level days.

anyone realised the society's changes nowadays, especially events between sexes? somehow i feel that i become more conservative ,or perhaps i feel that some values ought to be preserved? a 12 year old girl having sex with 4 18 year old guys. together. now who ever can think of having such thoughts when we were 12? i cant even recall the first time i had exposure to such things at 12. anyone below 13 is still a kid. a child who is untainted and unadulterated from the social ills or the adult behaviour and/or lifestyle. and yet i see primary school children dangling the latest handphones on their neck, scolding vulgaritites that will make even their peers jump out of their skins, and having "steads" like choosing meals for breakfast lunch and dinner. heck. the dilution of the word stead has gotten too bad. so much so that i had already irked myself from saying it since secondary 2..what 5 years ago? do kids nowadays know the meaning and value of a relationship? and really do they mean Steady boy/girlfriend or just a fling where both parties consent to and lasts barely over the weekend? i have seen girls crying over such incidents, so is it really those guys' fault when they are just out to seek companionship and not sincerely looking for a soulmate. i cant tell. even the immediate people around me are doing it. circa 2005 i still know 2 couples who are still deeply in each others hearts and minds since their beginnings in secondary school.

-quisquis amat valeat-

oh. even heard something from my WOs in camp. said theres even a sec 1 girl giving fellatio to a sec 2 guy in class in a quite-high-end secondary in our country. heard from his wife, their daughter barely into sec1 asks " what is oral sex?" not one to shun from education, they explained the actions involved, to which the little girl replied " Eee khor khor de.." (translating to yuk..bitter-ish..). (O_O) i bet they were as stunned as i m. how does she know how it tastes like?
haha.. but i guess it shouldnt be what we were thinking. its one of those reactions we have as kids too dont we..

hey how have you been? i know and ou know who are you. but gues you haven been reading my blog again huh? wel like i said i have no wish to do anything to hide anything. so this is free for all. and yes im still battling sleepless nights. don ask me what im thinking about. i wish i know too. and though things are all rosy when i think back, i can rationalise that those are in the past and wether they will resurface is not up to me. i have never been in cotrol of my life. hopefully 2 weeks ago the try i made will work out well. 3rd week and counting,

wish me luck.