-downstairs.actually-

sorry i couldnt solve the question for u. i didnt take out my pen and paper in time. why u so agitated? i duno why u always can make me feel so bad so easily. i take all ur words very seriously .. so.. please dont stress calm down. i do what i can to help u de. i just dont want to feel u angry so easily..

sitting downstairs arond 1130 till 0205 am was nothing. was my wish to be there and give u pepero choc. haa then i see u close window then off lights.. then know ur bro turn on the lights there.. so bopian cannot go see u.. hope u dont feel mad at me. i dont expect u do anything because really i got the time and nothing to do. next time ba i guess. walk home exercise loh hmm.. u study very hard sure will get very good grades de. just thought u may be hungry got ice milo and choc for u bite bite..

k k just know u outside now le. abit cold today dont catch a chill. smile k? relax on ur rest days. jia you..
hope next week or when Click opens we go watch can?

-i just dont hope u would think that im pestering u. please no. if not i will be totally scared of doing anything le.i have the time i got nothing to do so i just thought can be there thats all. i wont do what i shouldnt do. i sincerely hope u are happy. even in the end..may not be me.. but.. dont just anyhow go 'dating' ur 'part time bf' or whatever u call him.. cause.. its just not u. and i dont want anything to happen to u. please. ok i sound naggy. thats what u dont like about me. but words are the only things i have now. when i cannot physically be there when u cry. or smile. or stress. bye bye. another week.-

-The Lake House-

-can we let go of the past, not by forgetting it, but by learning from it, and start afresh?-
jane austen's persuasion taught me one thing- to wait. something i am very good at lol.
but i have never read that bok before.
i learnt it from The Lake House. Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.

i cried at the scene when Alex waited and didnt run across the road to meet Kate, saving his own life. that was the hgihest emotional point. i duno if U saw it that way or did u see my tears. but i couldnt control. sometimes movies are good portrayals of real life. then i saw the couple next to us kiss and the couple to our left front too. i wanted to take your hand. yes. but i know i shouldnt.
ah..i didnt try!?
sorry if u thought i was leaning toward u to try do something. i cant sit totally straight so have to shift here and there...

i would be so broken. to rush from office to JP then to know u didnt want to watch le. why suddenly will say dont want? i rushed and bought the tickets then saw ur miss call. but i SWEAR i never received Ur sms to cancel.. i was so depressed that if u came out to meet me if u really cannot suddenly.

Old Chang Kee soft squid, crab claw, gyoza. Cool Station Pearl Milk Tea with extra extra pearls! left to chill until u came. not me go late yup i wont let u wait de.

was very very glad to watch the movie with u. so long ago since we last did.. what have u got from the movie :) ?
laughing thinking smiling. somehow i feel u also holding back abit. and ur nose block. dont worry im not goiing to scare u or stuff. treat me normally as before. i have grown.

hope u liked the flowers delivered. wish i can have a photo of u holding the bouquet. a special something for a special someone. sent to u simply because u mentioned u haven got one long since..duno when.. not waste of money la hope u wont say that i know u said before..

thoughts in the night. i wanna be there. whenever theres a need.

-i just know-

when i want to be there for u. i wonder. is it duty or responsibility. but i dont care. and dont mind. feel free.

i dont want to walk in front of u, so i can keep u in my sights. i dont want to turn around and find u gone.
i want to stand lower than u on the escalator, so i will never let u fall, and be there before anything happens.
i really dont want to ask for anything in return, just to see ur smile.

please dont be angry with me. dont frown. talk freely to me. or when i ask i feel really lost too.
let me be part of u. to go through what u feel now. please i dont want to be a stranger.

i know i should have asked to go ur toilet but i thought u will feel bad dunno whether to let me in ur house.why. but nvm i dont blame u. because i left late and had to run to Esplanade and find u. i cant bear to stop to go toilet. dont blame yourself.

hope u sleeping well now. i hear ur sleepy voice again. hope ur blister dont cause u discomfort le. my own bleeding is nothing. sleep tight. and i will fight.

-closing in-

AH

dry and tired and hungry. running down Orchard. overcome and breakthrough. approach strangers to talk. didnt knw how to approach girls. fulfill the quota. ah bengs and lians. and willing people and students. and one girl who didnt look 21 entertain me after i wait for her to put down the phone. dont even think i will do this again. i need courage booster.

its not as if im matchmaking from public. its just a challenge.

then battery died then couldnt call u. thought u may be there but no. so sorry couldnt meet u. rush chiong u heard my voice.. dinner/supper only at 12. 50 names and numbers. perhaps confidence levels increased.

YAY! my DreamBoard got chosen to be top 5! (or 6?) of people awarded bonus points! yahoo! although less colourful.. quite plain. but powerful ba. hee ;)

sleep well u. thinking about earrings and..

-i'd rather-

to feel the pain in return for happiness
to feel lost in return for a direction
to fail in return for true success
to be wrong in order to find the right one.

i heard le. that he and u are no longer together. and u feel all the pain all the tears. and he feels nothing and doesnt do anything. wasnt this just what i expected ba? if he was so perfect, why would she have left him etc etc.. im not going to bring all that up.

let time be YOUR remedy. and let the past be healed by the prospect of a better future.

i dont mind being there. for u only. cause u mean alot to me too. and oops u can tell i lack alot sleep. but this is a crucial period. i got alot of choices to make. i really dont know. and hope i dont make the wrong ones. or rushed ones. please...

doing what i need. then do what i want. and do what i love. i need to build a future. then i can say i wont fail anyone. i want to give only the best. wholly and wholeheartedly.

just by being around. hope i can do so much more. and dont save on the tears. let them go. and see the world in a clearer light. not having to forget or forgive him. but im always on the road with u. wait ba..

please do. not much else i think

-never having to suffer in silence. cry alone. weep in an unfamiliar place without support. my promise to u. a shoulder a hand and an ear. reserved-

-i blew my fuse-

so tired. overslept in camp. woken up. coordinated my people and went to do my fatigue work. setup. went out buy pastries and chips.arrange with drinks. sweat. quick lunch. unload stuff. examine my bleeding wound. carry up and down. ask for more help. get shit reply. go up find my chips eaten by the ingrates. nonchalance. i just blew my fuse. i threw my things on the bed and on the floor. dont fk with me. there are many things i could have sent you all to extras already. so what if you all are under Fatty G's "influence" like he is some trend setter? what else can he do except backstab? be like a man and say it to face. if not roll somewhere else and live in your dump.

Quen got Amanda le. whee weet weet.. thought you say you dont want to have any wrong involvement/impression with her? but alright hope you two made the right choice. your photos look happy. and dont care what OWP told you okay lolx. sex is entirely up to your discretion. no matter what he says la huh? ;)

-if im tired im deflated i have my role. my responsibility and the things i want to do. i want to get there. and make many people's life better. so do i take this path? or do i really wanna.... -

-signs-

one night stand?
means stand there whole night watch the stars and moon lor
i dunno


i want eat ice cream
u have one what
huh?
just that normal ice cream is cold but yours is hot
eh..?
always girls eat de, but also not their choice but because of guys. if they had a choice they also dont want to eat.
..... (speechless)

so i m a bad guy. i make girls miserable?
conversation with angeline. sets me thinking..wth. stupid little girl. why u say that for.
and still dare to say me 藕断丝连。。cannot talk to ex meh..

9/July
Recognition Seminar at Club Empire. so cold. rain. long wait for food. hungry. but the atmosphere is breathtaking. too bad u couldnt make it. i would buy the ticket for u. jus to see what people have done. and what i will one day become. so many examples of lives changing around. rich family poor family ahppy family unhappy memories. congratulations to Von for being BAM! we will get there! all us SISTERS! (hmm im not girl but..ah wadeva) then Ling Von and me go on stage pia milk bottle full of Guiness.. then they too became crazy. lol. so red! i also dont drink Guiness..but what the heck is for fun.. cake fight! cream prints! stupid photographs!

i didnt make a mistake in this lifestyle. so much more that i have yet to tap into. 3 Years old but for me 2 months old. i will get there. WE will get there.

-and i know the many times i wanted to be there but couldnt, all the times i am free but u werent, all the times u have felt lost, and all the times i felt alone. if theres a will theres a way. but if these are chances that float away... i will say .. sorry.. but i tried. and no excuses. when time comes. -

be happy

-i thought i understand-

i did say before. the time i cooked for u and u ate. then u washed the egg stains off all the spoons for me. i thought i was going to marry u. even my mum said no girls in future will do these chores for you. or so i thought. but ya i always have images floating in. theres more in u than that..

today saw that im in the top 8 of EDT ranking. hmm. i didnt realise how its so easy. but im not top 3 yet. 3 weeks to go. fighting on. with all of you yes you you you yous... haha i will make it. if not i wont have tried. cause trying is not enough.

fight fight fight fight nehhhh

finally got a new bag. 36.90 with 10 per cent off at Westmall Zinc. lol. have to ask Yufen come and help give opinion so jialat my taste.. yay.. bigg bagg.. dont have to worry ugly bulky or old.
slowly slowly will replace my wallet.. and stuff if theres a need.

how r u and him. i dunno. thought i sounded bad on monday? thought u will ask me want go buy my clothes. but guess not important and u forgot too ba. so i stay in camp. then hear u todays tone.. its so bad. i haven heard u sound like that for very long le. i made time for u i flying finish my stuff then u go steamboat with cousin when u ask me drink with u liao. but nvm. eat more then drink if not will have stomachache. and always remember im here for u. i know it sounds bad but let go of the things that are hholding u back and preventing u from being happy. yes i know i m not fit to say that and even if u are single i wont have a chance i guess. but i already just want u to be happy. its not about having u anymore. is knowing i want to be there for u when u need. and helping u be happy. anything else is a bonus. take care k? dont cry too long.. i know eyes with tears usually see the world clearer.

love somebody not equals to possessing him or her
if u know what is really love its about letting him/her have the choice. and be happy
having him or her simply for the sake simply means u love yourself more than u think u love him/her

if u dont change what u do, u will always get the things u have always been getting. nothing new and nothing more.
that is called Fair..