-a story of a boy called wei wei-

-" 'where are you? can i meet you? i need you here.' and i put off my stuff i rushed out of the block. the doors are closed and locked. i climbed down the stairs and slid down the water pipe on the wall. i jumped onto the playground and i ran. i realised i dunno the place. i asked for directions to the interchange. then i ran all the way while panicking and praying that you will be alright. hoping i can reach in time. i reached the interchange. it was so foreign i felt so stupid hat i cant find the bus. i called you to calm you down and im 'flying' over already. but the bus terminal for the bus was never to be found. i keep running. i keep looking around. i couldnt find anyone to ask i fear for your safety. i m scared that you cannot handle what you were facing....

and then i woke up, tears streaming down my cheeks. without control. have you ever wished that you can finish all your dreams?- wednesday 5 march

i remember i matured quite early for my age. when i was 3 or 4 i remembered at nights when i woke up in the middle of the night i heard noises and saw the light in the other bedroom. rubbing my eyes and clutching my bolster i would crawl or walk over to the bedroom and sit against the door, hearing the quarrels and fighting sounds. then i would lightly paw the door and say softly "爸爸妈咪。。不要打架。。不要打架。"so softly dont want them to hear. but hoping they will stop. i was scared yes. i sit against the door and closed my ears and eyes. yes i cried a few times. and cried myself to fall asleep at the door. sometimes i wake up back in my bed. but not everytime. but i was thinking already. papa and mama got married and got me. is because they love each other then they got married. so why will they quarrel and fight? i started at such a young age learning what i want, that i never want to be like my unhappy parents, that to never had to fight between me and my future wife. seeing them so bitter over the years, i thought at least i would be able to know what women really want and what they deserve. i thought i knew how to love. even though i had my first crush at like primary 2. it lasted till secondary 2 and i could never do anything. i never was confident of myself. then came the forgettable girl from some other school and np unit (why should i bother saying). oh ya.. i dunno whether KC counted or not. cause we didnt really dated.. i guess. just that she calls me "darling deary" doesnt mean anything right? must ask Glory. where is she now anyways.. and then my first and only meaningful relationship. till now... guess i dont know nothing yet.

i guess i was sorry just now for not telling the complete truth. but i didnt make up the story. i really was supposed to go on the flight . but it got cancelled. i wanted to see you. i dont want to feel "pang seh" again when we supposed to meet. i should have waited for you with the bubble tea. but i waited and hope you will be around when you going home. thx for coming. even though you may be angry still.
and you say no need eat cause you ate at his place. and you showed me your pretty neoprint. and rejected my chalet for you. and say no need for me to send you back. i guess im slow and dumb. and by the time i ran after you to the taxi stand my hp flew out of my hand and broke into 3. and i nearly smashed into the stupid glass door that wont open. i ran around the coffee bean only to see the long queue of taxis. then i realised you were gone on the way home. i have to stop feeling like this. our lives are not a tv drama serial.

while doing my face mum asked if i felt painful. i said " what pain ? i felt so much more other types of pain this is nothing." yes strangely this year plus i have felt more pain then i ever had in my entire life. needles. blood. knocks. bruises. heart. and emotional ones. i feel like i have aged so much. and expereinced so much. like my instructor "who has seen it all". i nearly blurted out when she asked me what pain. when will i ever tell her. i am so ashamed.. (also..hmm..that he can bring you home so many times while i could never bring myself to do it. and when i finally finished my masterpiece of a plan for everyone to see you werent there any more) that i wept while she is there. she wiped my tears away, thinking its from the pain. i wish i can scream it all out. and press the RESET button.

dont know what JH, Richard and QH will say when they saw me fly towards the taxi stand. maybe they wont understand too. think they never saw hp fly before too.

you are away.. but i think u sleep le.. its 4am.. morning.. sleep ba..